Sometimes I think it's just me.

Tag Health & Safety

On Excessive Speed

[Officer] So precisely why were you doing 120mph on the wrong side of the road going over a blind summit?

[WTF] Just obeying a road sign which said “Think Bike”.

On Driving Instructor Immortality

[Staff Room] Hey, there he is! Woot! Yeeha!

[Mick the Driving Instructor] Oh, c’mon guys, not again…

[Staff Room] You’ll never live this one down, Mick!

[Mick] Look, he was just plain Max Rockatansky when I signed his pass certificate, I thought he was just a bit overconfident…

Mad Max - The Early Years

Star Wars – The Missing Bits #1

The Milennium Falcon arrives after a four-month extended transfer after the hyperdrive fails. Again.

[Leia] You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

[Han Solo] Chewie? Awww, no, he’s such a sweetie, really.

[Chewbacca] ??!?

[Leia] !!?!

[Han Solo] Oh – the Falcon? Now look, princess…

On Sudden Consumerism

[News] Millions of Android devices infected with malware encouraging users to needlessly spend money

[WTF] uh… the Google Play store? The Google ad network?

On Healthy Living

[WTF] … so I’ve been on the rowing machine for an hour every couple of days ages now.

[Bloke] Really? You must be built like a brick sh*thouse!

[WTF] You mean you think I’ve seen better decades, I’m suffering from damp in the lower courses and tend to crumble around the edges? Thanks.

On French Cuisine

[Wife] … so do they even have MacDonalds in Paris?

[WTF] Oh, sure they do. But the Cordon Bleu cookery school tends to have snipers on nearby rooftops. When they do fast food, they really mean fast food. It’s worth the risk though; you haven’t lived until you’ve been insulted by Ronald MacDonald in a French accent.

On Festive Greetings

[WTF] Dear Sasha, many thanks for the lovely Christmas card. Happily, the laboratory results confirmed that the small pile of white powder that fell out the envelope was in fact powdered glitter and not, as we had suspected, anthrax spores, so we may still be home in time for the big day. Seasons greetings.

On Deities Incarnate

[Guide] Shiva is the main God, the creator and destroyer. Creation comes from destruction and destruction from creation.

[WTF] And rumoured to manifest as a Bangladeshi buildings standards officer.

On Health and Safety

[WTF] You call it “Health and Safety”. I call it “preventing evolution from doing an increasingly necessary job”.

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